Consent is the permission given by a person to agree to do something or for
something to happen.
Therefore, if a person’s consent is given before any kind of sexual
involvement, then it is mutual and cannot be termed as Sexual assault.
But there are few cases when the consent given is invalid, especially when
they are not in the right frame of mind.
If the person is a minor
If the person is being coerced i.e. threatened, forced or under duress
If the person is drunk.
If the person has some sought of mental illness.
Consent is totally revocable. Know that consent to a particular sexual activity
does not imply consent to some other forms of sexual activity. Consent one
day does not mean consent to engage in sexual activity on another.
Parents should therefore teach their children from a tender age about consent
because consent is everything.
1. TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEXUAL EDUCATION FROM A
TENDER AGE: It’s never too early to teach your kids about sexual
education as it makes them aware of their bodies, what is safe touch
and unsafe touch, what they should do with the opposite sex most
especially and what they shouldn’t. Just make it age appropriate.
2. TEACH THEM TO ASK PERMISSION: It is very important to teach
children to seek for permission before they do anything they don’t have
the right to do. For example, ask before hugging, pecking, touching
another person especially of the opposite sex. Imbibe in them they are
violating the person’s right. Also, do not force them to
receive affection from someone, even if it's a family or friend.
3. TEACH THEM TO ACCEPT BOUNDARIES: They should never cross
boundaries, when a person says they don’t like a particular thing or is
uncomfortable with certain words or actions, they should respect such a
person’s decision and desist from continuing
4. TEACH THEM TO ACCEPT A NO: No means No, so when a person says
No, teach them to respect that decision likewise they also have a right to
say No politely if they don’t want something e.g No thank you. I don’t
want a peck right now.
5. TEACH THEM TO LISTEN TO THEIR INSTINCTS AND UNDERSTAND THE
SIGNS: It is important that they know that a person might not say Yes or
No, out rightly to a request but they should be able to read the signs.
For example, “Nina can I peck you on your cheek?” and she remains
silent, or rolls her eyes or shrugs or changes her countenance, this isn’t
a Yes and shouldn’t go ahead with the hug. Silence or acquiescence is
not an outright yes. Children should therefore be taught to respect their
instinct as it would help them recognize what is right or wrong.
6. Teach them how to handle physical rejection: Children should be taught
how to handle rejection, so asides empowering our kids to say no to
what they are uncomfortable with, they need to know that it is pertinent
to stop when a person says no and accept a no. they should also know
that it’s okay for someone to say no or not what something. It doesn’t
mean such a person hates them or doesn’t want to be friends. It is just
them taking charge of their bodies, just like they would if they don’t
want or want to do something. They should rather ask what the person
would love than force affection.
7. BELIEVE, SUPPORT AND ADVOCATE FOR THEM: It is important that
parents believe and trust their children, this is the only way they can
trust and open up to you. If a child feels uncomfortable or complains
about a certain person, believe them and step in on their behalf.
Sometimes the parents have to intervene in certain situations, they need
to advocate for them so that can feel safe and be safe.
Most sexual assault victims just need to hear the word “I believe you” “It’s not
your fault” “I am here for you”.
The parents play a vital role in helping a child through sexual assault and
helping them recover. Therefore, below are things you need to do to help your
child confide in you.
Tell them you believe them.
Tell them they are not and never to blame.
Tell them you love them and are here for them
Let them know they are not alone and they are safe now.
Encourage and Support them.
Help them get medical attention
Encourage them to go for counselling or speak with a counsellor.
Never give them the feeling that you mistrust them or doubt them.
Spend time with them
Be sensitive to their emotions.
Let them know you are glad they spoke up.
Give them room to express their emotions anytime they want to
Pay attention to them, never judge them and remain calm.